Honesty means being the same with everyone and being the same person on the outside as I am on the inside. It means being open and vulnerable, transparent. It means doing what I say I’ll do, making promises and keeping them. Refusing to tell lies, choosing to be faithful, deciding to honor the other person and do what is right even when no one else is looking.
Deception and manipulation are valuable tools in getting our own way or avoiding confrontation. But deception and manipulation kill relationships because they are the opposite of respect and honor. Only honesty and openness build deep relationships.
Relationships are built on trust and honesty. So even the smallest deception is damaging to a marriage. There are several reasons why discovering your partner in a lie can be devastating:
1. It creates doubt. Catching your mate in a lie leaves you wondering if your mate really the person is you thought he or she was. You begin doubting other aspects of his or her personality.
2. It creates distrust. Not only do lies create doubt, but they create an even greater atmosphere of distrust. If your mate can lie to you about one issue, he or she certainly can lie to you about other issues as well.
3. It creates hurt. While your mate will likely tell you, the lie was not personal, it feels incredibly personal. The person lying was willing to put his or her own interests ahead of yours. You feel small, insignificant, and terribly hurt.
4. It creates a loss of intimacy. With deception come doubt, distrust, hurt, and ultimately a loss of intimacy. You dare not draw close to someone who would hurt you in such a personal way.
There are times, I feel is it ok for my wife to know this or not for me personally, but I always come and tell my wife everything regardless of how it will make me feel. She deserves to know. The truth will set you free and deception will wreck your marriage.
I am available to support you if required, you can book a free session with me via the link in my bio.
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