My name is Chindah Chindah

Over 7 years I’ve helped thousands of mature single adults, married, separated, etc to master how to build a strong, stable, and satisfying marriage through my 121 coachings, group coaching, speaking, etc.

I’ve witnessed failing marriage restored, 15 years separation restored, divorce canceled, light bulb moment of transformation happen.

But I didn’t discover this framework during any of those times by myself.

I discovered it when I lost my elder sister. Let me share the story with you:

I was sitting on a wooden stool in a slightly dark kitchen room while eating my dinner. Within a few minutes, my mum walked into the kitchen with a tearful, regretful, and painful facial expression. She said to me, if not for you and your other siblings, I would have left your dad because I am not enjoying this marriage at all and there is a lot of rivalry between us, the wives.

 She said this particular, due to lack of affection, attention, and love from my polygamous dad. He had three wives with 20 children between them. My mum had 10 children alone for him.

When I heard that from my mum, in my mind, I knew that my father couldn’t love me properly. Since he shares himself with his three wives, 5 days each between them. With this fact, I was convinced that my mum will never experience a complete marriage relationship that brings personal satisfaction and fulfillment.

So, hearing these words from her breathless and saddened tone, I created this story and belief in my mind that women were pleasurable avenues for men and marriage was just a necessary evil. I concluded that if you want a child, get married and make babies, that’s it. This impacted me so much, to the point of feeling irrelevant for being born and being part of my mum’s dilemma and a contributor to her unsatisfactory marriage and life.

It was very hurtful and made me believe these wrong notions in my mind as normal, that marriage isn’t supposed to be great after all. So, why bother to pursue a happy marriage anyway. This wrong thinking plagued me up to my early adult years.

However, in my confused and self-pitying state, another event occurred that worsen the whole situation for me. This left me totally devastated and plummeted further into a deeper pain and heartbrokenness.

 It was about my step-sister, who was a young, vibrant professional with an intense passion for life and defending/supporting helpless women in crisis such as women going through domestic abuse and suppression. Her desire to help drove her to study Law and journalism. She was smart, intelligent, and beautiful. Her passion for law and journalism was obvious in the way she handled everything related to her mission statement. She advanced so quickly with an epic-able attitude, determination, and focus. These qualities further enhanced her career so rapidly that she became very popular as a fearless journalist and a lawyer in my country.

Consequently, in the process of helping and doing her professional job, she met a man and fell in love as most people do.

The relationship became so serious, an intense-and proposal for marriage happened within a short while. This led to them getting married. In the beginning, it seemed like what she ever wanted and there was a lot of affection and love for each other. Everything seemed good and every member of the family was so happy for her and wished her well in her marriage.

 As the days rolled by, within her first year in the marriage, we realized that she wasn’t conspicuous and readily available for her duties and within the family as well. Her approachable and warm personality seems a bit unwelcoming and charming as usual. She became withdrawn and was hardly seen in public. My family became worried and concerned about her welfare.

 So, we went after her, and what we observed wasn’t great at all. She was being abused, emotionally traumatized, and isolated from what she loved. Her personal financial savings and assets were being squandered by her husband. The relationship became unbearable and depressing. She later requested to be separated from her husband, since things were getting worse and worse for her. Her beautiful dreams and excitement of a married life turned into sorrow, misery, and heartache. Unfortunately, prior to her leaving her husband, she fell seriously ill and eventually, suffered a severe stroke, that left her almost completely immobile and paralyzed. Her life became so stagnated and she battled this stroke for a few years. Due to her work in the Government of my country, she was flown to India to be medically treated by more professional specialists. The medical treatment helped to an extent but could not reverse the stroke completely. So, she was later flown back home.

She suffered greatly due to the deterioration of her health and on a quiet windy evening, after spending time with a few of the family members, she slept and that was it. It felt like that was a story and not a reality. She was rushed to the hospital and the medical professionals and hospital staff tried to resuscitate her, but it was too late. My beloved sister was gone and gone forever.

It was a sad day for me and my family. I was so sad, overcome by grief, and very bitter about how a great lady with dreams can just go like that. She was so good to me and supported me in many ways. The family felt a huge sense of loss and my father particularly didn’t take it so well, because he was over 90 years old when my step-sister died. Hearing that my sister had passed, causing him even more pain and all he wanted was to die as well. It was a very hard time for my family and for me, it changed everything.